“Take it down just a notch.” “You just have a big personality” “You’re just a little too much for me.”
We’re back again. But today we’re not going to talk about styling or beauty or anything of the sort. Basically I’ve seen some things lately that have me feeling convicted to write this post. My main mission with Lovely Mellow Youth is to encourage everyone I encounter to be uniquely you. You are the only Y O U there is, and that is a powerful thing, my friends.
For me, I was raised in a family where my true self was always celebrated. I was never told not to be interested in something, not to try something, not to wear something (unless of course my parents deemed it “inappropriate”) and because of this, I have always had a pretty solid sense of self. That’s not to say, however, that this confidence I have in the person I am has not faltered throughout the years. It most definitely has!
Lets go back…
I want to do a little story time real quick. Grab a chair and your favorite snack.
For some unknown reason, out of my control, I have always had trouble forming and maintaining friendships with females. I’m honestly confused by it. Swear it’s some type of curse, but don’t really have enough evidence to back that up. But for whatever reason, I’m just not successful in fruitful friendships with other women. That was, until a few years ago. I took a position in a local office here in my city and shared duties with another girl just a few years older than me. It took us a minute to find common ground, as our personalities were sort of a Yin + Yang situation. But when you spend 8 hours, 5 days a week in a small space with someone, it’s almost impossible not to form some type of relationship. So obviously, over time, we grew a friendship. Over the next several months we equally became close with another co-worker and from there the three of us became inseparable. Sharing in all of the highs + woes that come with life. Birthdays, the beginning (and end) of relationships, work opportunities, family trauma. These were my sisters. I literally had conversations with these women about being my future bridesmaids (should I ever decide that marriage is for me).
So what happened?
Everyone has opinions, everyone has beliefs, everyone has morals. In life, most people try to surround themselves with others whose beliefs align with their own. But sometimes you just fall for someone (romantically or platonic) that is different from you. I, personally, am typically attracted to people who are different than me, because it offers me the luxury of seeing the world through someone else’s lens. (i.e. gives me the ability to empathize with someones journey, rather than judge.)
On a certain social media platform, I decided to voice some of my political beliefs
*Side note: I do NOT succumb to the old adage “you can’t talk about politics or religion”. No. NO. N O. We should be free to talk about whatever we want to talk about, so long as we’re doing it in a respectful and aware manner. Moving on…
These certain beliefs did not match to my bff’s. So ensued rage texting. So ensued someone I love telling me that they didn’t want to see my opinions. So ensued someone I love basically trying to water me down so that they were more comfortable with how I feel. Of course, there are always two sides to every story. The point of this post is not to hash out my feelings about the end of this friendship. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt, donated it to Goodwill.
The point is- a two year friendship came to a screeching halt because I refused to back down. I refused to not be who I am. I refused to silence myself. A friend is supposed to call you on your bullshit but love you for that bullshit anyway. Right?! At least that’s what I thought.
I had a full on awakening after this. I know it sounds so hokey, but I was reborn into who I was meant to be. Truly. It was hard for me to stand my ground. I loved her. I still love her. There are still days that I miss that friendship, wholly. But I would not be proud of Aimee, if I lived my life by other people’s standards. I had repressed so many of these feelings because I’m done with that period in my life. I’ve dealt with it. I’ve cried about it. I’ve talked about it enough. But I was on social media the other day, and strangely I started seeing a pattern of people talking about how someone in their life was pretty much trying to water them down and it fired me back up.
So let’s talk about it-
Why do people want to mute others? Why do people need to take someone with a chaser rather than shooting them straight?! For me, I personally boil it down to two things: jealousy. And fear.
It takes a strong human being to be exactly who you are. This is not a quality that everyone possesses. Some people are born with it, it’s nurtured in some people (like me), and others gain it over time through different life experiences. Then there are just some people that never develop a true sense of self. Everything they do is because someone else told them they should, everything they think is because someone else told them it was right. They do not have the self-awareness to realize these thoughts and actions are not their own. I know this sounds harsh, but it’s real. I will never sugarcoat my thoughts on LMY. I’m here to inspire authenticity, so that’s how I’ll remain. People who have not yet developed the ability to think for themselves, will try to tear down those of us that have. They don’t want to see you stand on your own, they want you in line with them. They want you down on their level. Elevate you’re way of thinking. Seriously. When your mindset changes, you change. If you haven’t already, please please please check out The Him & Her Podcast, Ep. 157, with Shaman Durek. I listened to it at the start of 2019, and it was life changing. Not like the new Smashbox Concealer life changing (which that is a good concealer, if you haven’t tried!) but truly and deeply life changing. I won’t go into it, because i really want y’all to check it out. Especially if you’re trying (and struggling) to change your mindset.
We talked about jealousy, now let’s talk about fear. What is there for people to be afraid of? Well, if your demeanor or physical stature is anything like mine…the answer is nothing. I’m 5’4” and will pretty much sprint in the opposite direction of confrontation; I’m a pretty non-intimidating human. It’s not you they’re afraid of, it’s action. Taking action. Taking action to take control of their own lives, to chase after a dream job, to move to a bucket list city. They’re too afraid of doing what you’re doing…going after what you want. These types of people are usually the ones telling you something is a bad idea, a dumb idea, not worth your time idea. They’re afraid you’ll do what they probably never will…succeed. So by you just being you and following your path, there’s so much for them to be afraid of. And what does nature tell us a scared dog will do? Attack.
How do I deal with it?
Now what? We’ve broken down why people may be craving a milder version of you. How do we move past it? Well, the non-recommended method would be to give in. Be who they want you to be. But what a boring, boring existence, babe. For me- I am consumed with love. Love from and for my family + boyfriend + friends. Love for this world that we all call home. Love for music, and fashion, and the ocean, and fucking Harry Potter. Love for this journey that I’m on, that constantly has me asking questions, and learning, and pushing myself further. So full of so much love for so many things that I can’t process the negativity. I’ve been these people I’ve described. I’ve been jealous of women in different phases in their lives, I’ve been dismissive and hateful to someone all because of how I felt about me. When I changed my vibrations (those who listened to Ep. 157, with Shaman Durek, will know!) I flipped that awful, immersive, negative thinking. I see the light in confrontation. I am who I am and the person interacting with me can choose if I am someone they like. I don’t have to mold myself, quieten myself, or lessen who I am for them to make this choice. That’s the most important piece of advice I can give you. Learn to love yourself and your life. That may take time, it took time for me. But everything changes once you achieve that. Another thing that has made the most difference- look at who you’re surrounding yourself with. You should only ever allow the most supportive and loving people into your world. Like I said, someone you love can call you on your bullshit and still love you for exactly who you are, anyway.
Life will never be perfect. Honestly, I think it would be kind of boring if it were always sunny, y’know? We need the drama. We need the people being mean to us. We grow from it. We learn from it. My bestie Sav always tells me “never let anyone dull your sparkle”. And those are such true words, babe. Nothing is worth your happiness. If it moves your soul, if it lights a fire inside of you, do it. Be it. Be you.
Thank you guys for your support + for coming along on this ride with me. Much, much love.
talk soon babes.